DirtyErnie
Renaissance Hick
What's the difference between PMS and Mad Cow disease?
two tits...
two tits...
-
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New joke thread...
- Thread starter XS1961
- Start date
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want
to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best
kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could
be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".
The authorities think she may have been pushed.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want
to miss an opportunity either, so he asked... "Well, before you jump why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep, passionate, lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best
kiss I've ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could
be famous. Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".
The authorities think she may have been pushed.
1974jh5
Curmudgeon.
A limo driver was listening to two girls in the back seat; one was bragging about her sugar daddy who paid for everything. The other girl allowed she wasn't having a lot of luck finding one who could swing an apartment, etc for $2000 a week and the first one said well, find two at, say, $1000 apiece a week, four at $500 a week... The limo driver said 'when y'all get to $50 a week I'm in'.
Kingwj
I know nothing, nothing!
A blonde walks up to the teller in the bank holding a jar of quarters. The teller asked her, "Did you hoard those quarters?" The blond replied, "My sister whored half of them!"
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
~ ~ ~
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
~ ~ ~
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." That's when the fight started.
~ ~ ~
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
~ ~ ~
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
~ ~ ~
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." That's when the fight started.
~ ~ ~
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot of Novocain.
"No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said..
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects..
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on,
suffocates me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something
to hold on to when I pull your tooth."
"No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said..
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects..
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on,
suffocates me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something
to hold on to when I pull your tooth."
Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. There is no way to prove that they are wrong.
But a year or so after giving birth a woman will often say "It would be nice to have another child".
You never hear a guy say, "It would be nice to get kicked in the nuts again".
Case closed.
But a year or so after giving birth a woman will often say "It would be nice to have another child".
You never hear a guy say, "It would be nice to get kicked in the nuts again".
Case closed.
pumps
XS650 Junkie
Reminds me of the guy tooling down the highway, gets stopped by a cop.
"Is there a problem, officer?" he asks.
The cop says "Don't you realize your wife fell out of the car about five
miles back?"
The guy replies "O, thank God. Here I thought I'd gone deaf."
"Is there a problem, officer?" he asks.
The cop says "Don't you realize your wife fell out of the car about five
miles back?"
The guy replies "O, thank God. Here I thought I'd gone deaf."
An old long haired bearded XS650 rider was tooling thru West Virginia with a loud set of reverse cone exhaust pipes and doing 20 miles an hour over the speed limit. When a state trooper pulled him over, it went like this:
The state trooper said "Boy, you gotnee I.D." ?
The old XS650 rider said " bout what" ?
The state trooper said "Boy, you gotnee I.D." ?
The old XS650 rider said " bout what" ?
CDickenson
XS650 Member
A couple go to Ireland on vacation. They decided to pop into this pub to see what lifes like there. They notice this guy sitting by himself in the corner looking out the window. So they go over and sit down with him and ask: why you here by yourself? He replies: well, you see thaat house over there? pointing out the window. I built that house and many other fine houses round here. Do you think they call me : Shaun the fine housebuilder? No they don't. He points in another direction and says: See that rock wall? 5 miles long absolutly straight. Do you think they call me Shaun the fine stonemason. No they don't. But you fuck one goat and -----
Ha! Idee 'bout wut, son?
Animedevildog
XS650 Member
Sent to me by a good friend of mine:
2012 European Threat Alerts
by John Cleese
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in the Middle East and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Meanwhile, terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels, and this is the reason they have been used on the front lines of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought: Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
2012 European Threat Alerts
by John Cleese
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in the Middle East and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Meanwhile, terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels, and this is the reason they have been used on the front lines of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought: Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean dishes.
I went to visit my 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area 100 miles NW of Philadelphia ..
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning my grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, I noticed a film like substance on my plate, and questioned my grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
My grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, I was concerned about the plates, as mine appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, I was on my way to a nearby town and as I was leaving, my grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let me pass.
I yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'
I went to visit my 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area 100 miles NW of Philadelphia ..
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning my grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, I noticed a film like substance on my plate, and questioned my grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
My grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, I was concerned about the plates, as mine appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'
Later that afternoon, I was on my way to a nearby town and as I was leaving, my grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let me pass.
I yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'
For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields.
They were small red signs with white letters.
Five signs about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising BurmaShave, a popular shaving cream.
Here are more of the actual signs:
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
BurmaShave
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
BurmaShave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
BurmaShave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
BurmaShave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
BurmaShave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
BurmaShave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
BurmaShave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS HOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
BurmaShave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
BurmaShave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
BurmaShave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
BurmaShave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
BurmaShave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
BurmaShave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
BurmaShave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
BurmaShave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
BurmaShave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
BurmaShave
CATTLE CROSSING
MEANS GO SLOW
THAT OLD BULL
IS SOME COW'S BEAU
Burma Shave
Do these bring back any old memories?
If not, you're merely a child.
If they do - then you're old as dirt... (like me)
They were small red signs with white letters.
Five signs about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising BurmaShave, a popular shaving cream.
Here are more of the actual signs:
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
BurmaShave
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
BurmaShave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
BurmaShave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
BurmaShave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
BurmaShave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
BurmaShave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
BurmaShave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS HOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
BurmaShave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
BurmaShave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
BurmaShave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
BurmaShave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
BurmaShave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
BurmaShave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
BurmaShave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
BurmaShave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
BurmaShave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
BurmaShave
CATTLE CROSSING
MEANS GO SLOW
THAT OLD BULL
IS SOME COW'S BEAU
Burma Shave
Do these bring back any old memories?
If not, you're merely a child.
If they do - then you're old as dirt... (like me)
This is the Australian version an American joke:
Life in the Australian Army...
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too.. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Susan
Life in the Australian Army...
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too.. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Susan
ObiWonKaTobey
XS650 Awesome Member
Hahahahahaha!
1974jh5
Curmudgeon.
A pregnant woman is telling her husband there is no way he can know the pain of childbirth. He of course scoffs and jeers, making fun of her.
So the wife becomes quite angry and secretly hires a witch to put a spell on her which will transfer the pain of childbirth from her to the father.
Comes the big day, she and her husband go to the hospital; she is secretly gleeful that she will really get the point across to him.
While she is in the throes of labor, she feels nothing. It's working! About that time, her husband walks in to see how things are going, he's doing just fine and he's holding a cell phone.
She says 'Don't you feel anything?' and he says 'No, I feel fine'. She says 'Why are you holding the cell phone?' and he says, 'The neighbors called, they say the mailman is rolling around on our front porch and screaming.'
So the wife becomes quite angry and secretly hires a witch to put a spell on her which will transfer the pain of childbirth from her to the father.
Comes the big day, she and her husband go to the hospital; she is secretly gleeful that she will really get the point across to him.
While she is in the throes of labor, she feels nothing. It's working! About that time, her husband walks in to see how things are going, he's doing just fine and he's holding a cell phone.
She says 'Don't you feel anything?' and he says 'No, I feel fine'. She says 'Why are you holding the cell phone?' and he says, 'The neighbors called, they say the mailman is rolling around on our front porch and screaming.'
