How do you know when you've become an Old Fart?

Hi peanut,
the following has to be spoken with an extreme Somerset accent:-
"Don't make I larf,
'cus when I larfs I farts
and when I farts I shits meself
but when I shits I knows I'm 'ealthy."

Ahhh mi mukker tidden afen ye ear praper zummerset spoke, gi’d eezelf a girt big zider an wet thee wizzle wid mi lad :D

Actually mate I'm a true cockney born in Bethnal Green, just a ball o chalk down the frog n toad from Bow .
Me muvver moved darn sarf to Somerset in 68 ain't bin back to the smoke since . :)
 
actually we don't really talk like that......nobody does. Its just occasionally you might slip in a bit of slang to a sentence to lighten things up . One of my favourites is 'chubby chase' .or 'boat race' ...(face )

My father was a London Docker after serving in the RN during WW2 . He came from a long line of London dockers in my Family stretching back to the 1700s
He used to know all the Cockney rhyming slang and lots of Centuries old bawdy vaudiville songs that were sung in the pubs around the London Docklands, where pubs stayed open night and day 24/7 for the Dockers , ships crews and Thames Lightermen .Wished I had recorded more of his songs and dittys now as many will probably have been lost forever.
 
One of the guys I work with is from Bradford (northern UK) he has a huge stock of funny phrases. One of the best is applied when someone is very happy about something - and Graham will say:
  • “He’s runnin’ around like a dog with two dicks”
I just about pissed myself the first time I heard that.
 
My uncle's friend' wife died. He was 86. He said to my uncle," I'd really like to get married again." My uncle said," What? You're lucky you can still piss out of the fuckin' thing!". My mom was talking to my dad and he was just looking at her with a blank stare. She said, "You didn't listen to a word I said." He said, " Well, what did you say?" And she couldn't remember what she just said to him...
 
Hi all:

I have followed this thread since it began and it has provided me with a he!! of a lot of mirth (and a few stained shirts - thanks to that dastardly jokester from Maine - DOWNEASTER!!! :wtf:) - but all seriousness aside, I do have a couple of remarks I’d like to contribute, in view of the fact that the average denizen of XS650.com:
  • is male (are there ANY representatives of the distaff side here? I mean - even one?)
  • is perhaps a bit....shall we say....less junior (all of the jokes about deteriorating bodily functions confirm that);
  • possesses a pretty well-developed sense of humour.
So - my key comments are:
- we are fortunate to be still able to wrench and ride motorcycles (to whatever extent each of us can), and
- we are extraordinarily fortunate to have this worldwide community of gentlemen who share our passion, tolerate our faults, quirks and foibles, gives each of us a laugh or a tear each day.

I truly believe that the assets noted above helps to keep each of us a little more sane (self - not included), happy, healthy, positive and active. Sadly, many men “our age” do not have those assets in their lives.

I know that our recently departed friend WER valued the XS650 community this way and I have met and spoken to men from other parts of Canada, several US states, Australia, NZ, the UK and several EU countries who share that view as well. We advise and encourage each other, sell or even gift (and subsequently smuggle) parts to each other, celebrate each other’s victories, tease each other and occasionally, give one another a kick in the @ss.

To a certain extent, as motorcycling is becoming a less commonly pursued pastime, this online forum has replaced the old fashioned “biker gang” with which so many of us started riding and grew up. I am very fortunate to have two XS650 riding buddies living within easy riding distance of me - and I sure hope that the rest of you do too. However, if you don’t, you’ve got XS650.com to lean on (thanks Travis and Moderators - whomever you are).

For all of the above, I thank each and every one of you.

....you mob of grungy old b@stards!
:jk:

...and to the younger folks among us - I’d suggest that you contribute, but also listen and learn...and remember that you too will become a grungy old b@stard someday!

Now...where the f@ck are my reading glasses?

Pete
And that deserves one big “HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLL”
 
My uncle's friend' wife died. He was 86. He said to my uncle," I'd really like to get married again." My uncle said," What? You're lucky you can still piss out of the fuckin' thing!". .

Hi Goldenboy,
quoting Willie Nelson "I have outlived my pecker" But not me, not quite, anyway.
But as one gets older one starts to realize that there's more to marriage than sex.
There's someone to discuss the foolishness of modern politicians with.
Someone who'll notice you've tripped and fallen and call 911 for help.
Someone to share meals and household activities with.
And someone to cut your effin' toenails because you can't reach them anymore.
 
One of the guys I work with is from Bradford (northern UK) he has a huge stock of funny phrases. One of the best is applied when someone is very happy about something - and Graham will say:
  • “He’s runnin’ around like a dog with two dicks”
I just about pissed myself the first time I heard that.

Hi Pete,
we used to say, of incompetent fellow employees, "He ain't worth paying in brass washers."
Looking at the Canadian $1 coin always makes me smile.
 
Hi Goldenboy,
quoting Willie Nelson "I have outlived my pecker" But not me, not quite, anyway.
But as one gets older one starts to realize that there's more to marriage than sex.
There's someone to discuss the foolishness of modern politicians with.
Someone who'll notice you've tripped and fallen and call 911 for help.
Someone to share meals and household activities with.
And someone to cut your effin' toenails because you can't reach them anymore.
Yeah, Fred, that's some good points you have, I agree but my uncle's comment was taken out of context for humor's sake. To make a short story long, he was concerned his friend was going to split his estate with someone like Anna Nicole Smith, and cut out his kids. And, on that show Barney Miller'
one of the guys once told everyone in the office he was going out with a girl half his age. Everyone was clucking about it and Barney says," Yeah, but it won't last. All you can possibly hope for is one, maybe two years of really good sex." Everyone looked down, nodding in agreement. Then, everyone looked up at each other, wide eyed as if to say, " What's wrong with that?" I thought that was a hoot! But any way, that's my wife on the bike, and the first date I took her on was on that bike, because if she wasn't getting on the back, was afraid or hated it, it couldn't work out. I went out with a girl that said to me," It's either me or the bike." And I didn't hesitate a moment to say, "Seeya!"
 
Getting old has made me a believer in the hereafter...I get out to the garage, and can't remember what I'm here after...
Heard another one about the here after. I think it was DJ, Wolfman Jack that said, "I took this girl out on a date and said to her, Babe, do you believe in the here after?" She said," Why? What do you mean?" He said, " 'Cause, if you ain't here after what I'm here after, then you gonna be here after I'm gone!"
 
:wink2:
Ahhh mi mukker tidden afen ye ear praper zummerset spoke, gi’d eezelf a girt big zider an wet thee wizzle wid mi lad :D

Actually mate I'm a true cockney born in Bethnal Green, just a ball o chalk down the frog n toad from Bow .
Me muvver moved darn sarf to Somerset in 68 ain't bin back to the smoke since . :)
Peanut, man, this is serious; you can't speak the King's English and you can't speak American English, either. If you don't get it fixed, you're going to go mute!:wink2: But, that reminded me of something else. I got in the elevator at work, one day and there were two east Indians speaking to each other in their own language and, at the next floor a Spanish guy gets in and they're still talking away, so he chimes in, "Hey, this is America. You gotta speak Spanish."
 
:wink2:
Peanut, man, this is serious; you can't speak the King's English and you can't speak American English, either. If you don't get it fixed, you're going to go mute!:wink2: But, that reminded me of something else. I got in the elevator at work, one day and there were two east Indians speaking to each other in their own language and, at the next floor a Spanish guy gets in and they're still talking away, so he chimes in, "Hey, this is America. You gotta speak Spanish."

Hi Goldenboy,
you mistake the man.
English people are bilingual, fluent in the neutral BBC version of English and their own local dialect.
Both Peanut and I are multilingual, he speaks in BBC, Somerset and Cockney, I speak in BBC, Bristolian and Prairie Canadian.
Both of us can also understand American but are too polite to tell them they talk funny.
 
English people are bilingual, fluent in the neutral BBC version of English and their own local dialect.
The first 18yrs. of my life was spent in England, Florida and Alabama. For years after everyone swore I was Australian.
 
Hi Goldenboy,
you mistake the man.
English people are bilingual, fluent in the neutral BBC version of English and their own local dialect.
Both Peanut and I are multilingual, he speaks in BBC, Somerset and Cockney, I speak in BBC, Bristolian and Prairie Canadian.
Both of us can also understand American but are too polite to tell them they talk funny.
I like English movies, but thank God for subtitles. But, you're not alone in that dilemna, either. If I'm in another part of this country, people say to me,"You're from Brooklyn, aren't you? I love your accent." My usual reply is," No, I come from out west, about 10 miles west of the George Washington Bridge, and I DON'T have an accent, YOU DO!"
 
I get asked about my bike, and hear comments like:

"I wasn't even born then."


Was at an outdoor lunch/beer joint coupla months ago. On leaving, kickstarted the bike, and a crowd cheered. Huh? Then realized that all of the other bikes had electric start only...
Yes, and we are the only ones with center stands.
 
Back
Top