This happened to me Saturday morning.
I closed the gate to my privacy fence, stepped into my driveway and leaned my shovel against the fence just in time to catch the attention of a group of Jehovah's Witnesses who were walking past the end of my driveway. As they turned towards me I said, "I don't have time for this, I just beat a guy to death with this shovel."
They looked at me, soaked in sweat and the shovel dripping with blood and no doubt believed me. Their eyes were big as saucers. "Why?" one asked?
"I caught him stealing my eggs," I replied.
"You beat a guy to death for stealing eggs?" asked one.
"Why didn't you call the police?" asked another.
"The cops won't do anything about it," I answered. "Besides, if I call the cops then I have to hold the bastard until they get here and I'm too old for all that long drawn out shit. Might as well kill him and get it over with. Beating him to death took less than a minute and I'm already worn out. Now if you don't mind I'd like to go in the house and get a cold drink before I come back out and bury the poor soul in the back yard with the rest of the bastards I killed."
The Jehovah's Witnesses quickly departed. I never bothered to tell them the guy I killed might have been a gal or that it was in-fact, a opossum. It didn't seem important at the time.
I closed the gate to my privacy fence, stepped into my driveway and leaned my shovel against the fence just in time to catch the attention of a group of Jehovah's Witnesses who were walking past the end of my driveway. As they turned towards me I said, "I don't have time for this, I just beat a guy to death with this shovel."
They looked at me, soaked in sweat and the shovel dripping with blood and no doubt believed me. Their eyes were big as saucers. "Why?" one asked?
"I caught him stealing my eggs," I replied.
"You beat a guy to death for stealing eggs?" asked one.
"Why didn't you call the police?" asked another.
"The cops won't do anything about it," I answered. "Besides, if I call the cops then I have to hold the bastard until they get here and I'm too old for all that long drawn out shit. Might as well kill him and get it over with. Beating him to death took less than a minute and I'm already worn out. Now if you don't mind I'd like to go in the house and get a cold drink before I come back out and bury the poor soul in the back yard with the rest of the bastards I killed."
The Jehovah's Witnesses quickly departed. I never bothered to tell them the guy I killed might have been a gal or that it was in-fact, a opossum. It didn't seem important at the time.
