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justa joke

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by weekendrider, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. MrBultaco

    MrBultaco it ran before being parked Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  2. GLJ

    GLJ If you can't laugh at youself you shouldn't laugh Top Contributor

  3. GLJ

    GLJ If you can't laugh at youself you shouldn't laugh Top Contributor

    Since tomorrow is St.Patrick's day.
    The Kindness of the Irish: The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man. Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience." When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10-hour flight. Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still, have 38 dinners available."
    gggGary, Mailman, Goldenboy and 4 others like this.
  4. GLJ

    GLJ If you can't laugh at youself you shouldn't laugh Top Contributor

    I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He was grateful to be picked up, but a bit surprised.
    "thanks for the ride", he said, "but aren't you worried I might be a serial killer or something? "
    "not really." I replied. "the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical."
    gggGary, Mailman, MaxPete and 4 others like this.
  5. JCE

    JCE XS650 Member

    CA, USA
  6. Goldenboy

    Goldenboy . Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Saying on a T shirt, "Irish I was drunk..."
    gggGary, GLJ, geedubya and 2 others like this.
  7. JCE

    JCE XS650 Member

    CA, USA
  8. geedubya

    geedubya geedubya Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Harley Davidson: (Analyses their Declining Bike Sales.....And believes that the condition is not attributable to Donald Trump.)

    Apparently the Baby-Boomers all have motorcycles. Generation X is only buying a few, and the next generation isn't buying any at all

    A recent study was conducted to ascertain a few of the causes and they feel that

    Millennials don't ride motorcycles for the following reasons:

    1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat.

    2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on.

    3. Can't use 2 hands to eat while driving.

    4. They don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one.

    5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped.

    6 Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care.

    7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning.

    8. They can't afford one because they spent 12 years in college trying to get a degree in Humanities, Social Studies or Gender Studies for which no jobs are available.

    9. They are allergic to fresh air.

    10. Their pajamas get caught on the exhaust pipes.

    11. They might get their hands dirty checking the oil.

    12. The handle bars have buttons and levers and cannot be controlled by touch-screen.

    13. You have to shift manually and use something called a clutch.

    14. It's too hard to take selfies while riding.

    15. They don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did.

    16. Motorcycles don't have power steering or power brakes.

    17. Their nose ring interferes with the face shield.

    18. They would have to use leg muscle to back up.

    19. When they stop, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face.

    20. It could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water.

    21. It might scare their therapy dog, and then the dog would need therapy.

    22. Can't get the motorcycle down the basement stairs of their parent's home.
    MaxPete, JCE, MrBultaco and 7 others like this.
  9. kshansen

    kshansen XS650 Junkie Top Contributor

    Well as far as #15 goes they could do as I did on one of my Sportsters, sidecar!

    MaxPete, Goldenboy, Jim and 1 other person like this.
  10. Downeaster

    Downeaster Everything in XS Top Contributor

    G-dub, that ain't humor, that's TRUTH.

    MaxPete, geedubya and TwoManyXS1Bs like this.
  11. xjwmx

    xjwmx XS650 Guru Top Contributor

    lol @ therapy dog that needs therapy

    You've heard of seizure dogs. We have a seizure dog that has seizures.
    MaxPete, geedubya and Goldenboy like this.
  12. fredintoon

    fredintoon Fred Hill, S'toon. Top Contributor

    Hi Ken,
    what chair is that? I'm perhaps gonna need one that opens up like that if my wife can't climb into my top-loader with her new knees.
    MaxPete likes this.
  13. Goldenboy

    Goldenboy . Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Top knots don't fit under helmets, either.
    MaxPete and geedubya like this.
  14. kshansen

    kshansen XS650 Junkie Top Contributor

    That's a Hannigan Classic. Here is a picture with it open, with young model inside. As you can tell this was before mounting on bike!
    Classic Open.JPG
  15. fredintoon

    fredintoon Fred Hill, S'toon. Top Contributor

    Hi Ken,
    thanks for the info. Just what I need if I could find an affordable used one close by.
  16. GLJ

    GLJ If you can't laugh at youself you shouldn't laugh Top Contributor

    Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
    On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on! She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems. ''Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, 'Here try these on.' She tried them on and said, 'These are too large, they don't fit me.' Mike said, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.' Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.' He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.' Jane said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will.' And they lived happily ever after!
  17. JCE

    JCE XS650 Member

    CA, USA
    A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

    The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

    The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

    Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

    His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

    The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One."

    The boss says "Just one?!? Our sales people average sales to 20-30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

    The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

    The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

    The boss, astonished, says "$101,236.65??!! What the heck did you sell?"

    The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 Expedition.

    The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"

    The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "
  18. Howlinwolfxs

    Howlinwolfxs XS650 Enthusiast

    As a 30 year old, im offended.....:D

    gggGary, MaxPete and GLJ like this.
  19. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    I was gonna say....your tire needs a little air on the right hand side....:lmao:

    FWIW - Before they moved to the US, Hannigan originally owned a large BMW motorcycle shop in Toronto Canada and in the late 70s-early 80's they made a line of gorgeous fairings for all kinds of bikes.

    I put one of their Sport-Tourer models on my 1979 Suzuki GS850G and it was a fantastic ride with perfect glass work and paint matching. It wasn't cheap, but it sure was pretty and it fitted and looked like a factory part.


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