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justa joke

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by weekendrider, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. Greyandridin

    Greyandridin Got nothing to do and all day to do it XS650.com Supporter

    Amen to that brother !! I love it
     
    gggGary and MaxPete like this.
  2. 59Tebo

    59Tebo 59Tebo Top Contributor

    If you wrap the antennas with tin foil, it scrambles the signal. The voices in my head stopped after I made a hat... :laughing:
     
  3. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Well, indeed you are correct Fred.

    ...and our Fearless Leader has certainly covered himself in glory in recent days.

    And now, for something completely different, lets check in with Mrs. Mildred Harris and some correspondence that she has recently received from a local merchant.

    RETIRED HUSBAND

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

    Dear Mrs. Harris:

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. Unfortunately, we cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

    Our complaints are specifically related to your husband and his behaviour. The recent incidents involving Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We do not have a Code 3.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Mr. Harris looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were stocked.

    11. October 3: He darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: He hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
    'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked “where is the fitting room please?”

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Mr. Harris went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey - somebody help me! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
     
  4. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  5. Mailman

    Mailman Hardly a Guru Top Contributor

    Boy Pete, that is BOTH funny and timely. My wife also enjoys going to Walmart. In fact we went there just this morning. We usually go our own ways and my visit usually goes something like this, I head straight to the hardware / automotive dept. , I look around for 15 minutes then ( depending on the store ) I go up front and sit in Starbucks or McDonalds or find the old dudes bench and read forum articles on my phone until the Mrs. calls me to go. Personally I prefer going to Target, where I head straight to the lawn and garden section and find the biggest cushiest patio chair to plop my ass in, until called upon to leave. Woo! :laugh2: Man that’s livin!
     
  6. Mailman

    Mailman Hardly a Guru Top Contributor

  7. geedubya

    geedubya geedubya Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  8. Downeaster

    Downeaster Everything in XS Top Contributor

    Geedubya, next time you drop in for a cup, ask them if they're interested in a US franchise. I think a string of them up here in the Tundra would be a license to print money!
     
    grizld1, geedubya, MaxPete and 4 others like this.
  9. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Hehehehehe.....
     
    geedubya, Jim and gggGary like this.
  10. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    D8DFEFC9-E635-4FB6-B1D3-47AD4B20BB92.jpeg

    Oops - no politics....

    Sorry - my bad.
     
  11. geedubya

    geedubya geedubya Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter


    You got it DE and I believe their only requirement of franchisees is that they are either "Grumpy Old Man", or "Bitchy Old Woman".
     
    Jim and GLJ like this.
  12. GLJ

    GLJ If you can't laugh at youself you shouldn't laugh Top Contributor

  13. GLJ

    GLJ If you can't laugh at youself you shouldn't laugh Top Contributor

  14. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  15. 59Tebo

    59Tebo 59Tebo Top Contributor

    My brother once said all electronics was "smoke", and the secret to electronics was being able to keep the smoke inside. Once the smoke gets out, it won't work. :banghead:
     
  16. Downeaster

    Downeaster Everything in XS Top Contributor

    ^^^So true, except make that first one 1964...:rolleyes:
     
    59Tebo, Paul Sutton, Jim and 2 others like this.
  17. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    ....indeed.

    By 1984, my picture would have been like the 2018 photo.
     
    59Tebo, Paul Sutton and Jim like this.
  18. grizld1

    grizld1 Grumpy old man Top Contributor

    Uh, that first pic would be more like 1950 in my case (early memory of the big celebration the farmers staged when dirt was invented).
     
  19. Downeaster

    Downeaster Everything in XS Top Contributor

    Well, I'd have been 13 or 14 in 1964, so that's still reasonable I guess.

    Of course we lived out in the puckerbrush, so the whole concept of an ice cream truck was foreign to me. We either made our own (DEEEEE-licious, but took forever and was labor intensive) or once in a while Mom would pick up a half-gallon at the store. Didn't last long...
     

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