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justa joke

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by weekendrider, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. 59Tebo

    59Tebo 59Tebo Top Contributor

    702a60b1ef_50079961_c3p0.jpg

    "...Don't get technical with me!..."
     
  2. thuban

    thuban Horse Scratcher

    Old cowboy was sitting in a bar, staring at a bowl of soup. A young cowboy comes in and orders a whiskey. He sips his whiskey for a bit and asks the old feller, "Old-timer, if you ain't gona eat that soup, can I have it?" Old cowboy says "Yep" and slides the bowl down the bar. The young cowboy goes to eatin, gets down to the bottom of the bowl and finds a dead mouse! He pukes everything back up in the bowl. He's staring at the bowl. Old cowboy looks down the bar and says, "Yep, that's about how far I got!"
     
  3. gggGary

    gggGary Stop that! Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    confession.jpg
    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
    The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
    "Yes, Father, it is."
    "And who was the girl you were with?"
    "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
    "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
    "I cannot say."
    "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
    "I'll never tell."
    "Was it Nina Capelli?"
    "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
    "Was it Cathy Piriano?"
    "My lips are sealed."
    "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
    "Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
    The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
    Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
    "Four months vacation and five good leads..."
     
  4. thuban

    thuban Horse Scratcher

    When you catch another mule kicking in your stall.
    I went down to the watering hole to get me a whiskey. I walks in and sees my bud. I said "bar keep, whats wrong with him?" said he didn't know just sits staring at his drink. I goes over, "Hey bud, whats going on?" He said, "Slim, I caught my best buddy with my ole lady!" I said, "Uh-oh". He said, "It's over, I sent her packing!" I said "that's purdy drastic." What did ya do with your best buddy?" He said, "I tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, bad dog, bad dog!"
     
  5. gggGary

    gggGary Stop that! Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  6. thuban

    thuban Horse Scratcher

    Whats wrong with you? I can't find my dang socket! But I thought you had those new-fangled glow sockets! Yeah, but I can't my dang UV light either!
    Now whats the matter? I found my light but the battery is dead! But while looking I did find the special wrench I've been hunting for a week!
    That's how it works with me.
     
  7. gggGary

    gggGary Stop that! Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    In the meantime I had already removed the bolt I needed that wrench for with an air bully........
     
    Mailman, Jim and thuban like this.
  8. Jim

    Jim I have a plan. It's something to deviate from. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  9. geedubya

    geedubya geedubya Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner He passed a hooker standing there every day.






    He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
    "One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

    "No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of His mouth, just to shut her up.



    This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
    She'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!"
    He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

    One day, Camilla decided to accompany her 'husband'.

    As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer, and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings..
    He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife.

    As they neared the hooker's corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.
    Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.






    Then, the hooker yelled:



    "See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard!"
     
    Jim, TwoManyXS1Bs, 59Tebo and 3 others like this.
  10. gggGary

    gggGary Stop that! Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

  11. 59Tebo

    59Tebo 59Tebo Top Contributor

    :laughing:

    I have a friend whose infamous last words, before an EPIC failure, were always "...watch this!..."
    They were horrific fails... I couldn't stop laughing... :laugh:
     
  12. JAX71224

    JAX71224 jax71224

    HEY Y'ALL WATCH THIS!!! Now hold my beer.......
     
  13. MrBultaco

    MrBultaco it ran before being parked Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

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  14. MaxPete

    MaxPete Life with Lucille...I suggest, she decides. Top Contributor XS650.com Supporter

    Well, it’s not exactly a joke, but it sure was fun on my trip to The Fatherland this week.

    F9CB0BEE-2B35-41A6-9E48-6B9F5103DD91.jpeg F6B6BB23-5719-4B7D-A73C-D1247D967591.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019 at 8:31 PM
  15. xjwmx

    xjwmx XS650 Guru Top Contributor

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  16. thuban

    thuban Horse Scratcher

    Van Gogh, on his good ear side? Holding a mirror? Am I getting warm?
     
    Greyandridin likes this.
  17. Downeaster

    Downeaster Everything in XS Top Contributor

    @MaxPete : Ach du lieber!

    One of my major regrets from my military career is that I never got to Deutschland. 12 of 16 of my great-great grandparents came from Mecklenburg. Ich bin ein deutscher...
     
    MaxPete and gggGary like this.
  18. xjwmx

    xjwmx XS650 Guru Top Contributor

    7,057
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    mirror?
     
    gggGary likes this.
  19. 59Tebo

    59Tebo 59Tebo Top Contributor

    A Van Gogh selfie? It would be worth ZILLIONS!!! :laugh:
     
    xjwmx, Mailman and gggGary like this.
  20. thuban

    thuban Horse Scratcher

    "Zillions!" …….,000 and carry the 1. That's a lot! (xjwmx has one; I've seen it!)
     

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