You might be a redneck...

[Downeaster]

if you spend a Sunday afternoon washing tractors...

Actually, I got set up to scrub about a pound of bug guts off the motorcycle, but figured while I had everything out, might as well douche off Guido and The Cabota.

Especially Guido...his parking spot is right under a barn swallow nest...

 

[MaxPete]

if you have more tools than Royal Doulton figurines....

 

[gggGary]

If you have "more than one" project motorcycles, I'm going to get to "soon".

 

[thuban]

Damn! Somebody ripped the top off my lineshack! I do like the donkey!

 

[gggGary]

if you have more tools than Royal Doulton figurines....

You're scaring me Pete.

 

[MaxPete]

Hehehehe - that was my goal Gary.

 

[kshansen]

if you have more tools than Royal Doulton figurines....

Well if that's all it takes all I'd need to keep is one broken screwdriver to qualify!

 

[MaxPete]

Well, there ya go Ken and I’ll happily join that club too!

 

[Downeaster]

Well if that's all it takes all I'd need to keep is one broken screwdriver to qualify!

Heck, my WIFE qualifies under that standard!

Thank goodness...

 

[David Toll]

Don't use the term "Redneck" in Oz. We have our "Bogans" who would seem to share similar characteristics - poor visual presentation - often heavily tattooed and dishevelled, a disregard for the aesthetics of one's lodgings, relatively low education standards - not necessarily due to a deficit in intelligence but rather an endemic devaluing of education, right wing political and social views, a forthright way of speaking, low levels of employment, a disregard for the day to day niceties of life often prompted by poor cashflow, affiliation with animals particularly dogs of a vicious or unpredictable nature, a desire to immortalise through procreation accompanied by a genuine regard for the "idea" of children, contempt for officialdom, disregard for the future, possession of a range of high powered motor vehicles of generally well-tended appearance - often pick-ups or utes in this country, various addictions to alcohol, tobacco or "soft" drugs. The stereotype is recognisable and prejudiced. Indeed, there's a little Redneck/Bogan in all of us.

 

[thuban]

David Toll,
I'm not well known for holding my peace. But your racial comments about rednecks and your piss-ant profiling, really hits close to home!
I thunk we were buds?

 

[David Toll]

We are. My Dad had most of those characteristics and we were friends. Never judge a book by his observations!
Cheers

 

[thuban]

The official year 2020 Redneck Census Form:
Last name: _______________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_)Billy-Bob
(_)Billy-Joe
(_)Billy-Ray
(_)Billy-Sue
(_)Billy-Mae
(_)Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you?
(_)Booger
(_)Bubba
(_)Junior
(_)Sissy
(_)Other____________
Age:____ (if unsure,guess)
Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right
OccupationCheck appropriate box)
(_)Farmer
(_)XS 650 Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Unemployed
(_)Dirty Politician
(_)Preacher
Spouse’s Name:_____________
2nd Spouse’s Name:_______________
3rd Spouse’s Name:_______________
Lover’s Name:_______________
Relationship with spouseCheck appropriate box)
(_)Sister
(_)Brother
(_)Aunt
(_)Uncle
(_)Cousin
(_)Mother
(_)Father
(_)Son
(_)Daughter
(_)Pet (Just wrong)
Number of children living in the home:_____
Number of the children living in the shed:_____
Number that are yours:_____
Mother’s Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father’s Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade commpleted)
(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own:___
Number of Bikes you own:____
How many basket cases:___
Number of vehicles that still crank:___
Number of vehicles in front yard:___
Number of vehicles in the back yard:___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____truck
____bedroom
____bathroom
____kitchen
____shed
Model and year of your pickup:196_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
(_)Rifle and Shotgun
Number of times you’ve seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you’ve seen Elvis:___
Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO:____
How often do you bathe?
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_) When it Rains
(_)Not Applicable
Color of eyes:
Left_____ Right_____
Color of hair:
(_)Blond
(_)Black
(_)Red
(_)Brown
(_)White
(_)Clairol
Color of teeth:
(_)White
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)just a whoop-and-a-holler
(_)road?

 

[David Toll]

My God! That just about covers it! Got an early morning laugh out of that one. I tip my hat to an expert!!
Cheers

 

[thuban]

Hahaha. Didn't want to say anything about Sheep. Might offend a Scott or a Texan!

 

[David Toll]

Or a Kiwi in this country - time to show discretion I agree.

 

[kshansen]

The official year 2020 Redneck Census Form:
Last name: _______________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_)Billy-Bob
(_)Billy-Joe
(_)Billy-Ray
(_)Billy-Sue
(_)Billy-Mae
(_)Billy-Jack
What does everyone call you?
(_)Booger
(_)Bubba
(_)Junior
(_)Sissy
(_)Other____________
Age:____ (if unsure,guess)
Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right
OccupationCheck appropriate box)
(_)Farmer
(_)XS 650 Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Unemployed
(_)Dirty Politician
(_)Preacher
Spouse’s Name:_____________
2nd Spouse’s Name:_______________
3rd Spouse’s Name:_______________
Lover’s Name:_______________
Relationship with spouseCheck appropriate box)
(_)Sister
(_)Brother
(_)Aunt
(_)Uncle
(_)Cousin
(_)Mother
(_)Father
(_)Son
(_)Daughter
(_)Pet (Just wrong)
Number of children living in the home:_____
Number of the children living in the shed:_____
Number that are yours:_____
Mother’s Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father’s Name:____________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade commpleted)
(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own:___
Number of Bikes you own:____
How many basket cases:___
Number of vehicles that still crank:___
Number of vehicles in front yard:___
Number of vehicles in the back yard:___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____truck
____bedroom
____bathroom
____kitchen
____shed
Model and year of your pickup:196_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
(_)Rifle and Shotgun
Number of times you’ve seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you’ve seen Elvis:___
Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO:____
How often do you bathe?
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_) When it Rains
(_)Not Applicable
Color of eyes:
Left_____ Right_____
Color of hair:
(_)Blond
(_)Black
(_)Red
(_)Brown
(_)White
(_)Clairol
Color of teeth:
(_)White
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)just a whoop-and-a-holler
(_)road?

Well that list for forgot to include the "All of the above" box! At least for a few of the items!

 

[buzzword]

Funny that hairdresser is on that list -- my wife does such things as a career, and up until 5 years ago made a fair bit more money than me. Can be quite lucrative.

What's also funny is that hairdressers are required to have 2x more training up front than police officers.

 

[thuban]

Well that list for forgot to include the "All of the above" box! At least for a few of the items!

Yep, I agree! My bad!

 

[Downeaster]

The official year 2020 Redneck Census Form:
Last name: _SMIF______________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_)Billy-Bob
(_)Billy-Joe
(_)Billy-Ray
(_)Billy-Sue
(_)Billy-Mae
(_)Billy-Jack
(x)Jimmy-Joe Willy-Bob Frank
What does everyone call you?
(_)Booger
(_)Bubba
(_)Junior
(_)Sissy
(_)Other__Asshole__________
Age:_39?___ (if unsure,guess)
Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure (x) Rarely
Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right (x) Shoes?
OccupationCheck appropriate box)
(_)Farmer
(x)XS 650 Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(x)Unemployed
(_)Dirty Politician
(_)Preacher
(x)Wiseass
Spouse’s Name:_Mom____________
2nd Spouse’s Name:_______________
3rd Spouse’s Name:_______________
Lover’s Name:_______________
Relationship with spouseCheck appropriate box)
(_)Sister
(_)Brother
(_)Aunt
(_)Uncle
(_)Cousin
(_)Mother
(_)Father
(_)Son
(_)Daughter
(_)Pet (Just wrong)
Number of children living in the home:__0___
Number of the children living in the shed:__Not Sure___
Number that are yours:__Not Sure___
Mother’s Name:__Sis__________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Father’s Name:____Uncle Frank________________(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade commpleted) Gradjamated, Skool of Hard Nocks
(Check appropriate box)
Total number of vehicles you own:_7 if you include tractors__
Number of Bikes you own:_1. (I'm so ashamed...)___
How many basket cases:_Pretty much all of them.__
Number of vehicles that still crank:_All of them, if you're Man enough.__
Number of vehicles in front yard:_On blocks or with flat tires?__
Number of vehicles in the Po-leece Impound Lot - Ain't tellin', haven't stole back the 'shine yet.___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks:___
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____truck
____bedroom
____bathroom
____kitchen
____shed
(What firearms? Canoe. Lake. Unfortunate accident.)
Model and year of your pickup:196_ 196x?? Dang, Son, whut kinda uptown sumbitch you think I am?
Do you have a gun rack?
(_)Yes (_)No; If no, please explain: In which room? The one in the baffroom is a Sears and Sawbucks.
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
(_)Rifle and Shotgun
(x)None of the above, paper is too slick. We like Grit.
Number of times you’ve seen a UFO:_____Today?
Number of times in the last 5 years you’ve seen Elvis:___Every Friday Night and sometimes REAL early on Saddidy Morning.
Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO:____Don't be silly. Everbuddy knows Elvis works at McDonalds.
How often do you bathe?
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(x) When it Rains, if the crick comes up deep enough.
(_)Not Applicable
Color of eyes:
Left_____ Right_____(Dunno, you got a mirror?)
Color of hair:
(_)Blond
(_)Black
(_)Red
(_)Brown
(_)White
(_)Clairol
Color of teeth:
(_)White
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(x)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)just a whoop-and-a-holler
(x)road?