Santa Don't Wear Lipstick
I told her I was going out;
just me and all the boys.
Might do a little shopping,
maybe buy the kids some toys.
I said, "We'll see ol' Santa,
be in before too late."
I guess I should have shopped alone.
I made a big mistake.
I didn't mean to do it.
It wasn't all that great.
My buddies said, "Let's down a few.
Man, you need a break."
So I went down to the juke joint,
down at the local bar,
but early the next morning,
my wife, she used the car.
And she said,
"Ol' Santa don't wear lipstick
and reindeer don't wear pumps,
and neither wears a garter
or thongs around their rumps.
So Buddy, don't you tell me,
and Buddy, don't you lie
'cause I'm about to kick your butt
an' kiss your Christmas bye!"
It was right there in the back seat,
the presents, she had found,
but a thong and just one pump's
not enough to go around.
An' when she saw the lipstick
on my collar and my face,
was nothin' I could do
except to hide my face.
"And where are all my presents?"
my baby said to me,
"A garter and a single pump--
that's not enough for me."
So maybe by next Christmas
she won't think me a louse,
and I can come inside,
get out of this dog house.
'Cause Santa don't wear lipstick
and reindeer don't wear pumps,
and thinkin' 'bout that garter
has got me in the dumps.
"So Baby, I won"t tell you.
No Baby, I'll not lie
for you're about to kick my butt
and kiss my Christmas bye."
-Billy Jones
I told her I was going out;
just me and all the boys.
Might do a little shopping,
maybe buy the kids some toys.
I said, "We'll see ol' Santa,
be in before too late."
I guess I should have shopped alone.
I made a big mistake.
I didn't mean to do it.
It wasn't all that great.
My buddies said, "Let's down a few.
Man, you need a break."
So I went down to the juke joint,
down at the local bar,
but early the next morning,
my wife, she used the car.
And she said,
"Ol' Santa don't wear lipstick
and reindeer don't wear pumps,
and neither wears a garter
or thongs around their rumps.
So Buddy, don't you tell me,
and Buddy, don't you lie
'cause I'm about to kick your butt
an' kiss your Christmas bye!"
It was right there in the back seat,
the presents, she had found,
but a thong and just one pump's
not enough to go around.
An' when she saw the lipstick
on my collar and my face,
was nothin' I could do
except to hide my face.
"And where are all my presents?"
my baby said to me,
"A garter and a single pump--
that's not enough for me."
So maybe by next Christmas
she won't think me a louse,
and I can come inside,
get out of this dog house.
'Cause Santa don't wear lipstick
and reindeer don't wear pumps,
and thinkin' 'bout that garter
has got me in the dumps.
"So Baby, I won"t tell you.
No Baby, I'll not lie
for you're about to kick my butt
and kiss my Christmas bye."
-Billy Jones
