Never say never. Ever.

TeeCat

TeeCat

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Some of you who are a little familiar with me may know that my educational background lies in counseling psychology. Avocationally, since 2004, I have been operating a tiny web forum on which I offer support to (primarily) young people who confront various challenges, from self-harm, to abuse survivorship, to self-esteem issues.

I love all of my "charges" equally, but some have more dire challenges than others. Very recently, I was informed that one of my "young ones", a young lady who struggles with the very challenging diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder - on the heels of at least one inpatient hospitalization - has received an unconditional acceptance to one of the top 200 universities in the world, where she will re-matriculate in October, after having had to interrupt her university career about two years ago, due to mental health issues. But she and I have done hard work together, over 3,000 miles of ocean, with written English and empathy as our tools, and she will not be denied, defined, or confined by her diagnosis. I am so monumentally proud of her! :)

Mental illness does not have to be the end... it can be a beginning! :)

TC
 
This gives me hope. My nephew has struggled w/ Bi-Polar disorder for some time and has been written off by most people that have chosen to "help" kids. Thank you for all the work you do for "your" people and may this person find much success. I hope my nephew finds good people like you that are willing to listen and help!
 
Thank you, guys. I don't believe in lost causes where young ones are concerned. Sometimes, once a young one learns that someone will stay with them when things get as black as they have ever seen, they eventually discover that they can see light. Then the healing can start. I have seen this time and time again.

TC
 
That Borderline Personality Disorder is a really tough one. Good on ya for doing this kind of work. It is not easy and many times it's thankless.
 
Kudo's to you T Cat Thanks for sharing. It'd good to hear of a success story they are few and far between. You make a difference in this world.
 
Thanks for this, guys... I think these kinds of successes, when shared, can allay sufferers' (and their loved ones') hopelessness in these matters, and potentially negate the stigma that is normally associated with these conditions. Personality and affective disorders don't have to consign one to a life of misery.

Part of these successes, in my case, might be due to the relative freedom that I enjoy as an avocational helper. Professional practitioners are (necessarily) limited in protocol, etc., for not only ethical, but practical reasons. But me? Well, one minute I might be discussing a young one's self-harm with them. And the next minute, I might be reviewing an essay that they have written for class, or helping them to prepare a cover letter for a uni application, or helping them to make a budget. Bet I have looked at more homework than most parents in the seven years I have been doing this, and most of the kids are still with me... just young adults now, and just sharing with me more than needing me. I would not enjoy the freedom of being able to love them this much if I had a pro shingle out. So it works pretty well for all. And for all the pain that a lot of them have endured, they just grow up to be the sweetest adults! I think that watching them react to challenging situations in a temperate, tolerant way is more fun that just about any aspect of dealing with them! :p

TC
 
My niece is Bipolar, it took a long time for her parents and teachers to decide something was not quite right. After she was diagnosed and put on medication, she went from a below average student to a 4.0 student. Now that she has graduated from high school, she is having trouble holding down a job, she was actually fired from a fast food job because she couldn't get their routine down fast enough. However if you hold a conversation with her or put a laptop in front of her, you quickly find out how brilliant she is. I'm convinced that a lot of the kids who have some sort of emotional issues are actually very bright and need help to develope into the individuals that can lead a very productive life.

I know that my niece at 18 years old is smarter than myself.
 
hamamatsu said:
My niece is Bipolar, it took a long time for her parents and teachers to decide something was not quite right. After she was diagnosed and put on medication, she went from a below average student to a 4.0 student. Now that she has graduated from high school, she is having trouble holding down a job, she was actually fired from a fast food job because she couldn't get their routine down fast enough. However if you hold a conversation with her or put a laptop in front of her, you quickly find out how brilliant she is. I'm convinced that a lot of the kids who have some sort of emotional issues are actually very bright and need help to develope into the individuals that can lead a very productive life.

I know that my niece at 18 years old is smarter than myself.
Click to expand...

Hamamatsu, my experience with both bipolar and borderline adults and kids echos what you are reporting in the case of your niece. (Incidentally, for anyone reading, bipolar depression and borderline personality disorder are different diagnoses, but share a lot of cognitive and behavioral features that can be debilitating.) My bipolar and borderline young ones, in particular, light up like bottle rockets once you identify their strengths and begin to cultivate them. Societal (including occupational, educational, and cultural) "norms" often do not easily accommodate people who do not fit into a quite narrowly proscribed set of parameters. I have been fortunate enough to help some young ones uncover many different types of, frankly, brilliance. I don't have the power to bestow it. But I do have the ability to say to them, "Hey... what'ca hidin' under that drape?" "What drape?" they ask, figuratively. "This one." I point at it from my monitor and keyboard. Then you help them to pull the shroud off, and they begin to inspect themselves in this sort of mirror that they never knew was there... they see a person whom they have never met. I can't recall ever having had more fun than the times when that happens. I'd pay money for that feeling... to see the looks on their faces. This can happen to your niece, too, with the right care and attention... I have witnessed it many times.

Sorry for rattling... one more thing...

I have young ones on my forum who have been with me since they were fifteen. Now they're in their early twenties. I have watched kids with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and self-harmers and abuse survivors and products of horrific divorces grow up on the internet... seen them go from collecting Manja to renting their first and second flats, or from reading Harry Potter to getting an LLB in Public and Social Law. Literally. I love to watch them talking in the subforums about inflammatory and contentious topics such as gay rights, national health care, and bullying. And sometimes, watching those exchanges, I am tempted to pack the lot of them off to the U.N., and tell the collective there, "Okay, look, you clowns. You can borrow my peeps for a bit. But make your questions concise, don't waste their time, and do everything that they suggest. If they can't help you, then no one can. And I want them back by the end of the week."

I swear... children - especially children who have suffered or struggled - have a natural proclivity to apply Occam's Razor to every problem until we (adults) come along and socialize the brilliant simplicity out of them. I'm used to them consulting me, but there have been times when the consultations have been the other way 'round... times when the loving, simple economy of a young person's thoughts and words have got me through.

Love my web kids! :)

(Oh, and I also meant to say, in response to your last assertion, hamamatsu, that I agree. There seems to be an empirically demonstrable correlation between emotional acuity and intelligence. Anecdotally, even the most disadvantaged and desperately wounded young person with whom I have ever worked was acutely bright. You just had to identify his strong suits.)

TC
 
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TeeCat, I saw something in my niece that was totally unexpected from a young girl who is Bipolar and struggling to find her niche in life. I watched her attend to her grandmother who was confined to a nursing home and in hospice care. She was warm and caring and genuine in her efforts to make her grandmother comfortable. That says a lot for a young girl who has issues of her own to face. I think she is a real sweetheart.

Good on you for helping these kids.
 
TC,

You're the man! Thanks for sharing and thank you for all that you do to help those kids and young adults. It's great to hear success stories like that.
 
hamamatsu said:
TeeCat, I saw something in my niece that was totally unexpected from a young girl who is Bipolar and struggling to find her niche in life. I watched her attend to her grandmother who was confined to a nursing home and in hospice care. She was warm and caring and genuine in her efforts to make her grandmother comfortable. That says a lot for a young girl who has issues of her own to face. I think she is a real sweetheart.

Good on you for helping these kids.
Click to expand...

Oh, and that's something I can't believe I forgot to mention, hamamatsu! Empathy. Kids such as your niece have it in spades! It's one of the most beautiful paradoxes that hardship often produces exceptional empathy and caring capacity, but I think it's analogous to heat tempering steel. I actually wrote a piece about that about a year ago, and I can share it with you if I can find it, and if you'd like.

Travis... thank you very much, but honestly, part of the reasons are my own gratification, as you might have noticed. :)

TC
 
Got it, sir, thank you.

Alright, I found it:

I had written this about a year or so ago as a tribute to the bond between those who struggle and those who help them. Its interpretation can be extrapolated to apply to virtually anyone in a helping or instructive capacity and their charges, but the emphasis in this piece is primarily upon those who suffer emotional challenge or mental illness, and those who respond to their needs in supportive or healing capacities. I have written some others, too, one in particular that celebrates recovery from self-harm... they're around here somewhere... but you'll get the idea that I reserve a special place for these people.

Scars to Scrollwork

White hot from hurt,
glowing as raw bars of ore
they have found their way to new hands,
patient, warm, and skilled.

Gaudy sparks rejoice, mirrored in kind eyes,
as soothing tongs and hammers
draw seething souls to length and width,
turning pain against itself,
rendering beauty from fear and
quenching it in a loving bath borne of tears.

Hope's tender balm becalms the newly crafted forms
as they are embellished by temperate smiths,
scars wrought into singular and stunning flourishes,
flashing ebony vines and blossoms on silver palettes.

Indelible faith makes a fine grip,
as pearlescent as tomorrow's dreams,
and adorned by gilded guards
to shield the loving hands that shall christen and release
these gentle swords,
these clement foils that pierce bloodlessly with hopeful amity,
these new victors over darkness,
these children who have suffered
and been molded anew by hands and hearts
to whom their beauty has never been a mystery.

TC
 
this thread has been good for the heart and head
your story has been good for my heart
and I had to look up the meaning of some of the words that you used that was good for the head.
God Bless the Children n TC
 
I am Carbon said:
this thread has been good for the heart and head
your story has been good for my heart
and I had to look up the meaning of some of the words that you used that was good for the head.
God Bless the Children n TC
Click to expand...

Thank you so very much, sir! :) I'm more than glad that sharing a bit of success has had the happy side effect of inducing some comfort to you and others. :) Seems we're all connected by more than our affinity for bikes.

Thanks, indeed! :)

TC
 

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